I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
