The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
