I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
