I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
