The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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