but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
