remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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