u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
