I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
