so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
