her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
