I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
