dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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