If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
