So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
