Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
