well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
