haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
