So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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