don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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