i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
