Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
