There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
