Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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