I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
