Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
