All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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