living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
