we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This baby is an asshole
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
