Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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