wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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