I smell stomach acid.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
