i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
