His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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