I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
