My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I love you.
Bad choice
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
