Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
please come you make the beer taste better
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
