Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
