she was so not down for the gang bang
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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