Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
