no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
