An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You pole danced in your parka.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
