i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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