Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
