I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
