You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
