I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
