kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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