Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
