so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Let's paint friendship bongs
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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